Friday, July 24, 2009 -

Am I hopeless?
Am I helpless?

Have I lost my sense of direction?
Have I lost my sense of comtrol?

Did I fight for myself?
Did I fight to sacrifice?


I'm sick of losing myself. I'm sick of it over and over again when ever it happens just after I've found myself.
I mean, I don't know who I am. I've got holes in my life, pieces which I can't find to cover it up to make it whole. It's as if I've been made incomplete, and just letting everything pass through those holes. I feel like those holes are loopholes of a trap or a bad place for people to slip through. Everytime I feel like I've finally found a piece, it seems to be taken away or blown towards the horizon by a wretched wind of some kind. I feel like I've got strings attatched to me and am being puppetted by some puppetteer. God? My demon? Fate? Screw this I'm saying.

To put it in a nutshell, my life is in a fucking unknown shadow that I can never escape from.

I wish my life could be at peace.
Either by unsolving it or ending it.
When it ends, I'd like to hear the 21 guns salute for it.
I know I've done loads of things for loads of people and it have not been noticed nor bothered with, most of them.

But I just want someone, just SOMEONE, to notice me in a different way.
I'm not ready or I'm not right?
I'm just a guy who needs to be guided.
I've figuerd out a few solutions that seem possible to be workable
But so far have been proven otherwise
So what should I do now?
Should I keep waiting?
Should I keep fucking trying till my balls rot and drop off and still be hoping for something that I thought to be real, is all just a delusion?


Am I at the end of the road?
Have I lost all sense of control?
And my mind have taking it's toll
I'm in ruins

Screw this bullshit excuse of a life.

Cheeky Monkey blogged at 12:51 AM